I Bid One (and other atrocities)

Towards the beginning of 1997, my friend Rob started what was going to be a nice, sane (relatively speaking), normal (relatively speaking) Amber campaign. For awhile, it was. We all created the usual suspects; quirky, power-curious and power-hungry. There was Tyler, the incorrigable rake; Carolyn and her Trump-ring; Zakariahs, the Chaosian sent by Suhuy to study under Fiona; Sir Mandrian, the out-of-his-league knight; Nicola, the sad goth-girl and would-be sorcerer... I created Lucca, the investigator of weird, Pattern-based dimensional mathematics who later became too angst-ridden for me to enjoy playing. I ended up taking a break, retiring Lucca and turning to more pressing issues in life that began springing up. A couple other players left, some new ones joined, some players started new characters.

Somewhere along the way, the chronicle became silly. Incredibly silly. It might've started with the session where they managed to kill two or three elders off in a span of 24 hours. It might have been when they managed to invade Amber in a spaceship that worked in that realm. Things got out of hand, as they tend to do. And no one seemed to mind, though the idea of what they were doing drove me batty for a bit. (An Amber purist? Nah...) But then I saw how much fun throwing everything out the window could be:

Cyrus: I don't know exactly where the Logrus room is, do I?
GM: You sort of do, but in that vague sense that comes with only having been there once before. Plus, due to the nature of this place, the architecture might have changed from last time, so even if you did remember the way, that way may no longer be valid.
Cyrus: Hmm... Okay. I use the Logrus to find the Logrus.
GM: Okay... [pause] ...You find it.

This sort of thing was normal by this point. It was as if it had become one big collection of quotes (that I wish I had started recording!). So I ended up joining with a non-standard character of my own, and all was well, if not canonical.

Lucca: We can't stick around any longer if we're going to catch them!
Nicola: Don't worry. I can bring them back here with my magick.
Lucca: Er... well, alright. Give it a shot. But hurry.
Nicola (raising her hands skyward): I call upon the Powers of the Towers of the North: Power of Dirt! Impede the progress of our foes and bring them back to me--I mean, us! And do it now!
[Several seconds pass; absolutely nothing happens. All that can be heard are the chirping birds of Arden.]
Lucca: That was really something.
Nicola: I don't understand! It should've worked...
Lucca: Have you ever done anything like that before?
Nicola: No--
Lucca: That's what I thought.
Nicola: --but it should have worked.

The one character that wasn't "normal" when it all started was Nicola, la triste gothique femme, perhaps because Jen wasn't sure what to play or how to play it. She ended up taking a World of Darkness MUSH character she played -- a bumbling mortal witch-wannabe that couldn't cast a real spell to save her life, but thought she could because all the supernaturals had a running gag where they'd trick her into thinking she was competent by creating her "spells" when she was around with their own powers -- and adopted her to Amber. Nicola, the disappointing daughter of Brand and Jasra, lived on Shadow Goth, owned a nightclub where the vampires romped, learned Sorcery from watching The Craft 200 times too many, died her red hair black, wore fake fangs until Dworkin took them away... you get the idea.

Merlin: So, what do you do?
Nicola: I'm an actor.
Jason (player): That's a nice way of saying "poseur."

Later on, she actually became competent, even dangerous (which I understand involved getting rid of her large amount of Bad Stuff), and eventually NPC'ed. But way before that happened, Jen wrote one of the Worst Amber Poem Contributions Ever. It was entitled "I Bid One" and was Nicola's take on the Attribute Auction. (Though she was known for her incompetence and became the campaign's favorite target, she had a knack for living through anything life threw at her. See her final bids on the right...)

Nicola's Final Bids in
the Attribute Auction

Psyche: 1 Point
Strength: 1 Point
Endurance: 75 Points
Warfare: 1 Point

I Bid One

One, two, three o'clock
Yes, I rock!
I bid one!

I'm so cool
Endurin' all over you!
I bid one!

Got a pain
In my brain
Flushin' points down the drain
And I bid one!

Credit to Jen Fontecchio

Other poems weren't much better (nor as funny), nor were any of them read as often at the beginning of sessions.


Back to the Amber CollectionBack to Cracks in the Foundry